Any Ordinary Day: Blindsides, Resilience and What Happens After the Worst Day of Your Life By Leigh Sales

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Author: Leigh Sales

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As a journalist, Leigh Sales often encounters people experiencing the worst moments of their lives in the full glare of the media. But one particular string of bad news stories – and a terrifying brush with her own mortality – sent her looking for answers about how vulnerable each of us is to a life-changing event. What are our chances of actually experiencing one? What do we fear most and why? And when the worst does happen, what comes next?In this wise and layered book, Leigh talks intimately with people who’ve faced the unimaginable, from terrorism to natural disaster to simply being in the wrong place at the wrong time. Expecting broken lives, she instead finds strength, hope, even humour. Leigh brilliantly condenses the cutting-edge research on the way the human brain processes fear and grief, and poses the questions we too often ignore out of awkwardness. Along the way, she offers an unguarded account of her own challenges and what she’s learned about coping with life’s unexpected blows.Warm, candid and empathetic, this book is about what happens when ordinary people, on ordinary days, are forced to suddenly find the resilience most of us don’t know we have.

At this time of writing, The Mobi Any Ordinary Day: Blindsides, Resilience and What Happens After the Worst Day of Your Life has garnered 9 customer reviews with rating of 5 out of 5 stars. Not a bad score at all as if you round it off, it’s actually a perfect TEN already. From the looks of that rating, we can say the Mobi is Good TO READ!

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I was drawn to this book out of respect for the author as an investigative journalist and because she is a very fair interviewer. I knew the subject would be explored thoroughly and with integrity. It was.The author acknowledges, “If you often watch the news, you may come to believe that the events that are reported (terrorist attacks, shark maulings, child abductions) are more common than they really are.”This book explores a number of personal tragedies which, due to their nature, became very public. They drew the media’s attention. The author talks to those brushed by these tragedies. The survivors, the victim’s families, the officials who dealt with them and the boffins who have studied the different aspects of death and grieving.She looks at how those people coped at the time, how the experience changed them as a person and the long term effect of the tragedy.Her interviews and research into each of the tragic incidents are used to illustrate the different aspects. First, why we have this morbid fascination - ie it could have been me. As she says, “We hate to feel vulnerable, and seek reassurance any way we can.” Our obsession can be seen as a survival instinct. In exploring the Lindt Cafe siege she states: “The brain wants an explanation so it can satisfy its desire for cause and effect. Something like the Lindt siege shatters our individual feeling of security and the brain desperately wants that restored. Such events don’t come with a ready explanation and yet the brain still hunts for one. It needs an answer so it can file the experience away and move on to thinking about less threatening things, like what to cook for dinner.”But for those caught up, they can’t “Move on” there is never “closure”. Instead there is the “New Normal” which they have to learn to accept even if they don’t like it.In the words of a Walter Mikac, who lost his wife and daughters in the Port Arthur massacre, ‘A year on, you’re just functioning. I really didn’t have any idea what I was going to do in the future. Twenty years on, it’s probably more like a surgical wound. You can see the scar. You’ve experienced a whole gamut of emotions but it sits okay. I still think about what the children would have been doing at this age. They might have finished uni. It’s a daily thought, just the loss of potential and what they could have been. Sometimes, I just wish so much that I could give them a hug.’At one point, a Jesuit priest, Steve Sinn, says to the author: “You have a substance to your life if you’ve felt pain. You’ve got understanding, that’s where compassion is. It makes you a deeper, richer human being.“There are so many good lessons to learn in this book. Words of wisdom, food for thought, actions that inspire.One section dealt with how we, as individuals can have an affect. Probably the most important lesson for all of us. For Walter Mikac: “having friends avoid him for fear of not knowing what to say or do was one of the worst things in the aftermath of losing his family.” As he puts it, “There’s nothing anyone could say, no matter how badly it came out, that could be as bad as what’s already happened to you. So it’s much better for people to just let you know that they’re there to help, if you need it.”This was reiterated by another interviewee: “people become paralysed because they want to offer something authentic or meaningful and they fear not delivering.” He goes on to recount how a young man helped him by simply expressing sorrow, asking how he was doing then offering help should he need it.The media’s role was explored in detail. In interviewing James Scott years after his ordeal in the Himalayas, the author questions it herself: “Where is the balance between the cost to the individual and the public’s desire to know the story?” The role of the media manager is described as necessary, plus the different way interviews are conducted. The author admits she was not always considering the wellbeing of her interviewees when pursuing a story for a deadline.The section where she interviews Amanda Gearing should be compulsory reading for all journos. Amanda is a journalist who has studied the effect of media interviews on their subjects. For starters, Amanda recommends the approach, “There is going to be a story in the paper about this. If there is anything you would like to say about your child or husband or wife, the paper is interested now. Next week, they probably won’t be so interested.”Amanda’s research showed that interviewees wanted four things: humanity (don’t lose sight of the fact that you’re dealing with people, not characters in a story), empathy (try to understand what the person is going through and act accordingly), autonomy (allow the subject to lead the discussion), and respect (make allowances, give the person time and space, and above all, don’t be exploitative). She added that interviewees should understand that they don’t have to answer every question that journalists ask them.Perhaps the most hopeful thing to come out of all this talk of tragedy, loss and suffering was the concept of post traumatic change.There is no denying: “one of the hardest things is that life keeps relentlessly rolling on.” But in the words of a woman who lost her husband in a tragic surfing accident: “It’s as if surviving the hardest thing –the greatest pain –frees me to live more courageously. You can crumble and give up. Or you can keep living and loving. I choose the latter.”So, lessons for all of us in just the right amount of detail to ensure authenticity without losing the essence of what is important. A recommended read.

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